CharmingGeek.net Funness

Wow. Nine of you have filled out the girlfriend application, and two-thirds of you are actually girls. Pretty exciting for me. However, I’m afraid that you guys just really like filling out forms. (The three guys on the list support that fear.) But that’s cool. At least you’re filling out my form.
In case you’re curious, here’s a little info on the applicants:
One of my applicants has dated me before, so it must not have been too bad.
With the exception of James (who is a dirty liar — and a boy) you are all right handed.
Four of you flat-out refuse to be a sandwich.
I’ve never met three of you, never spoken to two, and have absolutely no idea who one of you is.
Applications are still being processed. I must make sure you are informed, though, that I come on an as-is basis.
…
I feel dirty. I’m going to study now.